by Christian Wright

If it’s a NO thanks to independence in the referendum it won’t be the end of the world, it’ll just feel like it. I will feel emotion again (after therapy) and the first to surface will be a sense of shame that my country bottled it – so far as I know, the only established, recognised nation, to do so in history.

My Scottish cringe which took decades to exorcise will return with a vengeance, only this time it will have legitimate reason to be.

Maybe I’ll affect an Irish accent and folk won’t know I’m from the nation that said NO because it didn’t have the balls to say YES. It refused to take responsibility for it’s own governance.

I’m worried about my wee Scotty dug, Hamish, though. His wee face is so iconically Scottish, I’m going to have to paint his bum and teach him to walk backwards. The wee soul – I’m afraid he’ll get kicked every which way by a disgusted world.